Getting old ain’t for sissies

During some mornings I had to roll out of bed. To simply jump out caused 8-9 point pain in my left hip. It wouldn’t be before noon that I could walk without a moan.

For years I had popped NSAIDs like M&Ms. Shoulders, elbows and knee pains competed with flares of gout in my big toes. Over the last three years, with the help of a brilliant rheumatologist, I’ve controlled gout flares…without NSAIDs. The warning signs of over use were, in my case, three bleeding ulcers, each of which required hospitalization. I scared a lot of ER docs. Advil, and similars, should be labeled like opioids. They make you feel better while tearing up your stomach.

So, I couldn’t take Advil for hip pain. The hip offered a little relief by Tylenol but I was happy to have it. Finally, I had an X-ray which showed arthritis around the hip joint. Not enough for a new hip but enough for a cortisone injection.

I couldn’t get any straight answers about the injection procedure. The most I got was there would a feeling of pressure during the injection. Bull shit.

I anticipated getting in hospital garb but was led into the injection room fully clothed. “Leave your coat on.” What? I laid on my back and the nurse tech covered my mid section with a sheet. “Lower your pants and underwear to mid-thigh.” This is beginning to feel like amateur hour. The table transmitted an image of my hip up to a monitor. This was fluoroscope which allowed the doc to see where his needle should go. Turns out its needleS.

The doc came in and garbed up. Both he and the nurse wore lead aprons which circled their bodies. That explained the freezing temperature.

He scrubbed the area then put in the first needle. Nothing in the needle, he simply want to know the line to my arthritis. So he watched the monitor. No pain except for the usual “small prick here”. With My pants to my knees I wasn’t sure to what he was referring.

After he determined the correct line he began a series of injections. The first was for numbing. But this team had a bad habit of filling the needle just above my head. The nurse held the vial as the doc filled up the needle. Who wants to see this?

The numbing began and was only painful when the doc hit my hip bone with the needle. Jerk. I almost jumped off the table. And this gave me a taste of what was coming.

Not waiting for complete numbing I was injected with some dye which would show up on the fluoroscope. The nurse held my hand for that piece of torture.

“Now for the medicine” said Dr Dracula. Medicine? WTF have we been doing? The nurse got closer to my right shoulder as the cortisone went in. I gasped and raised my head as the nurse rubbed my shoulder and told me to breath. The pain lasted about twenty seconds but that was enough. I kept thinking I’d never do this again.

This morning I jumped out of bed with no pain. The injection site is tender but I’ll take that. Am going to yoga at noon and I anticipate a sterling performance.

I’ve got ten weeks to decide to go through that again. The cortisone wears off after a couple of months. Perhaps I will have forgotten the pain, however transitory, by then.

Update on the EYE: the effin balloon is still there. It is now about half the size of a dime. Stopping eye drops today, after 2 1/2 months.